For Lack of Better Words
by Minatu-chan
Summary: She never knew how she really felt about him, and most of all, she lacked the words to ever mention it. Laxus/OC


**Hello there! This is my secon****d Fairy Tail fanfic! It's a bit sad, and I could add more... but I don't feel that it really needs it. Basically, this goes through the realization of feelings to the heart breaking truth. **_  
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**_Disclaimer-_ I do not own Fairy Tail, seeing as this a fanfic on a website dedicated solely to fanfiction. BLAH.  
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**Well, since I have nothing to say here...  
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**ONWARD!  
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_Deep within your heart_

_I know you know_

_But that's not what is meant to be_

_I love you_

_Yet you take no notice..._

_For lack of better words._

When I met Gray, what seemed like millions of years ago in Fairy Tail, I was astonished. Fairy Tail was strange, they had male strippers? When the majority of the guild is actually male? I was confused until I found out that he did it unintentionally. It was simply a terrible habit of his.

Then only a few years later came Lucy, Gajeel, Wendy, _Juvia_ and so many others. I felt myself fade into the background. I wasn't as close to my friends as before. I didn't know how to make myself talk to new people. I froze up, my throat shut on me, my heart raced... and I hid. Slowly, I began to notice it. I was a misfit in this happy atmosphere filled with rambunctious, charismatic people. Of course I would fade into the background. I didn't have any defining characteristics that made me _special._ Though what I did have was self loathing.

_Juvia loves Gray too..._ When Juvia began declaring people her competition, I wanted to be included. I loved Gray, but he'd changed so much now, I was too afraid to talk to him. I was even considering leaving Fairy Tail. What held me back was Makarov. He told me I was needed there, I just didn't know it yet... but the need was fading. _Gray loves Juvia... doesn't he?_

When Gray was announced one of the candidates to become a S rank, I was so happy for him. Then the seven year period came along, and I no longer wanted to be at Fairy Tail. So I left. No one tried to stop me, they didn't even say good bye. Romeo told me not to go, but he was a child... He couldn't understand. _Did Gray love Juvia? Surely, he'll come home..._

I sat at home and began to cry when the seventh year came to pass. I was weak. There was no way I could ever return to Fairy Tail then. I lifted a pair of finger nail clippers, and slid the silver point beneath my short thumb nail. I positioned it to be facing my cuticle and snipped. The thin piece of nail that I had separated, I then pulled out roughly with a muffled cry. I bled. It hurt, but the pain was _good_. It was punishment.

Makarov came to my apartment to visit. Apparently, he was the only one who worried. Everyone else was worried for Fairy Tail as he should've been.

"What are you doing, leaving Fairy Tail?" he asked me, simply questioning my actions. I cast my eyes downward, feeling ashamed.

"You know why... I... I can't..." I whispered as fresh tears flowed down my face. The short, old man, who had been my father figure as much as he had with Laxus, stared up at me with a frown written on his face.

"I know that you are struggling inside to figure out what to do, but I know you don't want to leave Fairy Tail. When Laxus returned, he asked about you. There are people who care. Don't leave your family like that," he told me, crossing his arms across his chest. My shoulders shook as I frowned deeper. _Dammit Laxus! Why couldn't you just not care!_ I wiped at the tears that flowed down my face futilely.

"But I... I want him to love me back!" I cried, falling to my knees before Makarov, who shook his head sadly. He placed his hand on my shoulder and looked at me sternly.

"You are still, but a child. You want things that others have, not what you truly want," he told me wisely. I sniffled and stared at him in slight confusion.

"Then what do I want?" I asked him, wondering if he actually knew himself. He sighed once more.

"Get some rest, then, when you are ready, come to Fairy Tail. You can take three months at most," he said and left. I watched after him, wondering what he'd meant be three months, but even so, I tried to sort out my broken feelings to find out if what Makarov had said was true or not. Was kidding myself about something? Truly?

I smiled to myself as my memories came to me, beginning as simple things. Running around with Gray or Natsu, pulling pranks on Laxus, which probably caused him to be bitter, attempting to strike up conversation with Erza, whom I thought might be a kindred soul. Fairy Tail really was my family. So then why did I want to cast pain unto myself by separating from them?

Then, it dawned on me. I had begun wanting to leave when Laxus had been exiled. I had fallen in love with Gray when Laxus began disappearing on S rank missions for long periods of time. Disturbances in my heart all tied back to one person, _Laxus_. That was why Makarov had mentioned him in the first place! Makarov had known the whole time, but I had been stupid. I banged my head on my desk with a cry of exasperation. How could I let myself lie to myself over and over again?

I didn't want to suffer. Laxus had a team of body guards that included a dazzling woman. Laxus was vastly more powerful than me; he was an S rank. He would never want to be _with_ someone like me. Gray was safer. He was a little younger than me, strange and fun. He was so much safer. If Juvia had never come along, I wondered what might've happened... and it disturbed me. Why did I make myself suffer needlessly with all those lies?

With all this confusion in my heart, I began to cry again. Laxus was still exiled. There was no way that I could see him again. Everyone else in Fairy Tail had returned, but Laxus was still gone... I cried, for woe is me. Even though loving Laxus was the truth, the hope for me had dimmed into a flickering pile of ash. I curled up on the wood floors of my apartment sadly, trying to clutch onto what wasn't there.

_Laxus..._ My heart hurt, yet I promised myself that I would returned to Fairy Tail the very next day. There was three months before they left for the competition, but I needed to go find Laxus. I wanted to be at his side as soon as I could, no matter how much it may end up hurting me.

X X X

The next day, I picked myself off the ground, stretching to the sound of my crackling bones. I ran a brush through my messy, dark blue hair that had become a tangled lion's mane over the course of the night. I had to look fairly presentable, or at least, better than my current state. It would be the first time I'd spoken to some of the guild members, but I wanted to wish them all good luck.

I changed into a gray tunic and black pants. Dubbing myself as presentable, I walked toward the guild for the first time in years. What I opened the door to, was a sight to see. Everyone was there, laughing and being as crazy as ever. By everyone, I meant _everyone._ Laxus was there. Makarov saw me and the widest smile spread across his face. It was then that I realized he was drunk.

"Laxus! Look who's finally showed up!" he laughed to his grandson, who was all the way across the guild. This caused that half of the guild to look up and straight at me. I squeaked in embarrassment, and the wrong person came to my rescue.

"You're back!" a familiar dragon slayer's voice cheered, hugging me in passing. My eyes flicked over to him and I pasted a smile onto my face.

"Yes, I am..." I replied in a soft voice. The newer guild members were eying me in a curiously, most likely wondering who I was. I'd never been a very notable character in Fairy Tail. Makarov was laughing loudly again, and it appeared that Laxus hadn't moved an inch since I'd came into the guild. I felt disheartened. Still, I persisted to hold the pieces of myself together as I slowly made my way to where Laxus sat with his trusty body guards. I slowly placed myself at the front of the table, directly in his view. He couldn't ignore me forever, and I was too afraid to initiate conversation. Bixlow looked at me curiously, and looked like he wanted to say something while the other two blatantly ignored me as much as Laxus. I couldn't help it when I finally turned away to leave, hiding my growing sadness from at least Laxus. Bixlow saw it all. I didn't know what he would do with this newfound information, but it was of no concern to me.

I walked over to the jolly Makarov and laid my head down on the bar. He told stories endlessly, but I sat there and cried my heart out as he did. It appeared as if I were laughing. All for lack of better words.

**I don't know. she's an OC, but I couldn't think of a name... and originally it was SUPPOSED to be Gray/OC, but then this happened. Apparently, I like Laxus more. Whatever.**

**Please review! Your words are like blessed drops of sunshine added to my day~  
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**~Minatu-chan  
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